After almost 2 and a half years of trying to conceive, I find I am doubting my strength to go on. Am I strong enough? Of course I would like to think that I am strong enough, but I guess doubting myself is what I do best these days.
I have been going through fertility treatments for over a year, my anniversary being January 22nd, the date of my 1st surgery for endometriosis. I lost two pregnancies, and that has to be the hardest part. To want something so bad, and when your dream finally comes true, it is suddenly taken from you without explanation. I was so in love with my baby, but I will never know what it would have been like to hold you, to fall asleep with you in my arms, to kiss you on the forehead. My due date for my first pregnancy was on February 16th. You would've been our little Valentine's baby. I thought for sure after the 16th came and went, I could start healing. I thought I would be able to look forward now. I am going to have to pretend that I have the strength to get through this. Maybe.
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